MADAM MONKEYFOOT

I died again today.

I was once a pyramid.
I was once a cathedral.
I was stone and blood
and I died again today.

My mind sits in a cage
tagging the walls
with symbols it has forgotten,
with lines that were roads,
with words that carry blood
and I died again today.

The universe stands in limitation
until it becomes self aware.

Wanderers are on the paths of stars
that are becoming
and the ones that are fading
and the animal cries
to the moon that weeps blood;
and the tears that leak from the hand
that make the sorrow rise from
its self indulgences.

I died again today.
to take back a little more breathe
from the dreams
that have become Egregores
that seek to be an external hand
to shape me into their cravings.

And, I died again today
to partake of the luminosity
until there is no more death
to meet me at sunrise and sunset
and I rise on the verse
to join the Song

EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK: THE JUDAS ANGEL

Death: One woman called me the Dreaded Visitor. And yet, her life was about manipulating people to do her bidding. She used her sex as a weapon; pitted her children against each other, manipulated their fathers, suffered with a debilitating disease and was just mean as a rabid dog all her life and she calls me the Dread Visitor even though the skin was falling from her bones, she was blind in one life, she pushed one child toward suicide, another to a bad marriage that was financially convenient to her and married a gay man to use him to manipulate men as the unhappy wife. This life is a bout suffering, loss, battle of egos, sexual confusion, economic calamities, social unrest, political injustices, slavery to religious fanaticism and yet, I’m suppose to be the bad guy.
Judas: Every since the Archons manipulated this sector of creation you’ve been stuck with this assignment. Someone has to be the door way.
Death: Well, they act like I’m a hole in the ground and that is it.
Judas: They are stuck in dramas that have been imprinted.
Death: We are both stuck in dramas that have been imprinted.
Judas: Yes, but we are aware of our imprint.
Death: The Archons are afraid that they can not ascend. They are so locked into their programming they will not hear what anyone has to say. They are fear based creatures. Since Fear has become self aware, it has become a parasite that lives within so many beings who are not even aware the puppet master has a puppet master.
Judas: This sector of creation cannot ascend unless all parts. I don’t think we can allow this sector of creation to replay this drama continuously.
Death: I know. But people are choosing death in ignorance. They think death is an escape and have created a shadow of Death; it’s not me, they think it’s me. So this fear based Death has been stealing my thunder; giving people the wrong road to walk; opening doors into the minds of the Archon. And the Archons are having a feast.
Judas: Soon they will get indigestion.
Death: Well, I’m tired of being perceived wrong.
Judas: It’s our job. We knew what we were getting into.
Death: It doesn’t get easier and the look gets more frightening. They think these images they see of me is truly me and yet, that is who they look for when they take their last breath and of course, the imposter is the one they see, not me.
Judas: You will have to shut him down.
Death: I can’t. This is a free will universe. Humans have to become aware of the truth. Once they understand death, that shadow they have made into a fear will vaporize. I don’t’ try to make a juggle act of the wicked and the righteous but that’s what they want from me.
Judas: I think people would rather spit than even say my name. And this portrayal of me being suicidal.
Death: Humans must find their own story, the earth’s story, and the next story above. If not, my employment in this role will continue.
Judas: They must learn to descend into water if they are to understand.
Death: Most are afraid to look within. Most are afraid to look in the mirror. There is this one guy I watch who looks in the mirror sometimes and mumbles, “Gee, I look like death warmed over and burned.” If they don’t get to know their true mother, they will drown in their waters. Only her fire can free them.
Judas: You’re preaching to the choir but my message has been lost. My words fall on deaf ears. And yet, everyone has to make that journey, we can’t make it for them, we can be a signpost but in the end, it is their journey.
Death: But I look forward to when I make a toast because someone else has become self aware. And you my friend have caused such a burning.
Judas: Folks need to live up to their potential

Woman: I have been called “the point of turning to return”. I have been called the Abomination. I am the Shadow of Death and yet, no one understands my purpose. I know I am here to help. I got lost in my craziness that’s why I can understand the insanity. The Death I am is the help the loss souls on their journey because until they can get out of my insane asylum; they cannot leave my shadowy death. Their fear of death is my fear of death; of course, they diluted some of my issues, camouflaged others, but it is my imprint they are dealing with. When I was exiled from them, every name became like a stone hurtled at me until my tears, my blood, the stones caked upon me and became flesh, and I became a desolate world where everything in creation that did not seem fit in the eyes of “them” was cast down to me. But to be returned I had to take the lover they sent me. No one asked me what I thought about it, did I want this. First, no one would look at me, even my own mother, covered me with clouds so she would not have to acknowledge my issues. Yes, I have abandonment issues. Each time I tried to move toward her; it seemed a greater distance was created. So I made companions but they were not my mother, only imaginary friends that had to become real so I wouldn’t go crazy. But then I wonder if any of it was real and I did go insane. I think my mind became an insane asylum and all my thoughts became inmates. It’s like someone, I don’t remember who, a stranger with a sweet sounding voice, open the door to the asylum, sort of like that Pandora box story and all the craziness in me escape. But the door was closed before all my craziness left me. And now, I’m wandering around in my own body, in my own mind attempting to weave everything back together. Maybe I’ll make a new body, a new face, something my mother will not turn from. Am I not the crucible of the great house of flame. Every one must face their own battle of Armageddon as I have had to face mine. No one talks about my struggles unless I’m demonized, made a whore, or exiled to some dark land where even a cockroach wouldn’t shit.

Stranger: I am having a hair day. I am burning with the fires of Hell. My entire being is surging energies of lust, passion, elemental animal fury and frenzy. I feel like I cannot control this.
Judas: Understand these raging fires and change their nature.
Stranger: I wonder if I’m more comfortable with it. I cannot stop the calling from my dick. I see a woman and immediately my eyes start to undress her. I want to drag her off to bed and ravish her like some wild animal striking for the kill. I am so swollen with this lust that until I taste blood, I feel I cannot control this fever.
Judas: And this is why there is blood on your hand.
Stranger: It’s not the first time.
Judas: Being consumed with fire isn’t easy. The torment is daily. You must be baptized in water and refined in fire. You have been drowning in your own waters. It is time to be fire in water.
Stranger: Must we suffer in each other’s baptism? I am drowning in lust. I am a raging animal of passion. I want to fuck, I live to fuck, I am consumed with fucking, I don’t want to think of anything but fucking. I can’t stop the thought of fucking. Every where I go in the city, I hear the cars honking at me, “fuck me this way, fuck me this way.” The Billboards are like sirens singing to me; “Fuck me all the time. Fuck me all the time.” The look in people’s eyes are screaming at me, “Do you want to fuck with me? Do you want to fuck me? Oh bet you can fuck me real good.” And tongues are like penis to me, fucking me in every orifice of my body. Sometimes when I’m boning a woman I want to tell her that I want to suck her dick.

Stranger: Sometimes when you meet a person you think, okay, this one will work; this one is fine and then they start talking and that angelic face starts to change and then they start to look like someone hit them in the face with a tree branch and then they start to take on the appearance of a mount of cavernous dungeons. You have to take your time to know people. People are like a watery grave. I have enough issues of my own I’m drowning in without drowning in someone else’s. Eventually, after I have sex with them they become as hollow as the others.