JOURNAL EXCERPT #24
The Dead come to me asking for light. The lost souls sometimes walk with me asking about the Light. Even the fallen gods want to ascend.
“I am no one’s savior,” I yell at them. Yet, the Dead say I am like a tree in a graveyard speaking to the Dead; telling them about the journey of the Soul through light and darkness; their journey that they forgot they were participating in.
The Lost, the Dead, the Alien, the Fallen Ones, the Old Ones all want me to be this trinitized being who will take them to the light. But I kept saying who am I? Some say I am the path; some say I am the corridor, some say I am a whore of the Heaven. All I know is everything in creation wanted a piece of me and there is just so much of me to go around. My mind feels like this taffy pull in omni-direction.
There are dark forces at work that have been using the human mind as their personal playground. So there is a war between dark forces for the human mind. It is the War in the Heavens.
In my quest, I have opened doorways that could possess other consciousness or become a pathway to help bring conscious into the light.
I am no one’s savior.
In my ignorance, I consumed worlds within myself. For not going fully into the light, the mysteries of the lower worlds were placed into me until I could accept my fallen creations.
So now the Dead walk through me for light. Aliens call to me to bring a child of light into their world. I am fighting demons who play sexual games with the flesh. I remember fragments of lives where I existed not like this, not human?
My eyes are still human but when the aliens download into me they make me weep. They want the light or to own my mind. They think my mind is a board game and I have forgotten the rules.
Yet, I am more than the barriers of this flesh. I am a sacred vessel; a sacred space. I am here but every where. I must have ecstatic remembrances. I want to believe it happened, this dark night of the soul but then again, I wanted to believe it didn’t happen. Where will I be if I said, yes, it happened and I just didn’t have a psychotic breakdown? Some days I can accept everything. Some days I can’t. When I don’t know where my next crust of bread is coming from, it makes me afraid and makes me believe in the limitations of the flesh. But Faith-Wisdom is the key; but that is something I still must learn.
How can I accept that I am not fully human and must become one. I am the living light having a human experiences but I wonder will these experiences make me human in time so I can be come an Uthra.
But I must understand the imprinting. I must face the being known as Mindset who manifested the Adversary who has tracked me through time and space.
My shamanic journeys have take me the netherworlds; places so dark, air thick like molasses one can barely breathe to retrieve my denial fragments; journey into worlds where I must take on non-human forms to anchor light, retrieve soul fragments; to remember the parts of me that have been dismembered and bring them back to become a whole being.
Will I succeed?
JOURNAL EXCERPT #24