CHAPTER 38

When you're laying in your grave your thinking about the life that you had, the life you could have had and wondered was it all worth it in the end; you are becoming maggot food; you are fertilizing a field of dead things. No one can hear you screaming. You think you are pounding on a coffin lid but it is your body. You are still in your body; you can't look around because it's a bit stiff. You can't smell the decay or feel the worms eating away but you know they are there.

 

-- Excerpt from "The Underground Letters of a Heretic"

 

 

With some effort, Michael made it from the floor back to his platform bed. The light bulb etched itself into his head; he squinted while thinking he would have to cover his head with a sheet to sleep. The TV was on but the volume was low.

His body shivered from the memories that were touching him. The summer breeze that warmed him hinted otherwise. Michael began to feel dampness across his body with the thought of being wrapped tight like a mummy since he had the sheets wrapped tightly around him with only a peephole for breathing purposes. The fact that something or someone might move through the room during his nightly journey through the astral plane didn't bother him as much as what it could be. He heard memories sitting on his bed making an impression of a body that should be there but wasn't when he looked. Conversations, from unseen spirits dented his perception as they played out as shadows on the wall. There were low growls of creatures scooting across the floor but he told himself this was just his mind playing tricks.

He remembered once when he was asleep something reached through the floor and took a piece of paper from his hand while he was sleeping. The paper contained a spell of protection that had been given him by messenger.

Michael was channel switching. Nothing in particular was on. He decided to watch the news. As he channeled surf every station, they were all white noise.

He heard strange sounds coming out of the television. Faces started pouring in and out of each other.

This must be the psychic backlash I was trying to absorb he thought. Great, now I've got all that dark energy in the television.

Out of the great eye known as TV, tentacles from a Nameless One came and wrapped themselves around Michael. Part of him wanted to cry out but something deep inside kept him silent. As the tentacles wrapped around him to strangle him, he could feel the suction cups on them were attempting to pull life force out of him. Michael centered his awareness through heart, and like a great sun, he began to radiate light which greatly irritated the creature who began to lessen his hold on Michael but not completely.

 

From the depth of my soul,

From the great depths of waters old,

I summon my ancient companions

to help release my soul.

From the depths where blood flows,

From the heart of the Great Goddess

rise my warriors to defeat my foe.

The tentacles, once again increased their grip as Michael continued concentrating becoming a ball of pure light, a sun until he felt his breathe leaving his body.

 

Was it imagination? The sound of thunder echoed in the room. There was a flash of light and the very air about him crackled with electricity. A rupture appeared in the air and a bear and a panther entered into the room. Their growling disturbed the Nameless One. He lashed out at them with its tentacles. The great panther snagged a tentacle and bit it in two and it burst into flames and turned quickly to ashes. The Great Bear clawed at several tentacles, gashing wounds on several of them, as the cry of a man in pain came from the eye where the tentacle had sprung from.

A great winged creature came through the rupture and sat on top of the eye and dug its claws into it deeply. The bear continued lashing at the tentacles severing several of them which burned into ashes once cut away. The great panther grabbed Michael by the neck of his shirt and pulled him from the weakening grasp of the creature.

As the creature cried out in agony, Michael catching a momentary focus raised his hands and a bolt of ancient fire sprung from his fingers striking the creature.

The tentacles retracted immediately.

The eye closed once they were back inside.

The great black bird clawed at the closed eye until it faded. An unearthly cry was heard that caused one's skin to quake. Michael recognized the bird, it was the phoenix, it was in its final stages of death; its blackness would consume all that it had experienced into a cleansing fire so that it could be reborn.

The panther licked Michael's face affectionately. The bear sat upon its hind legs and growled to the sky.

"The Nameless One will come for you in many forms. You know it now as Mindset. Do not despair; the power of the Ones Who Sit In the Shadows is within you because you carry the blood of the Ancient One. You can summon those that walked before man, those that walk invisible next to man, and those that walk as man's spirit companions. You are a warrior from the first wars in the Heavens. Though you waver from reality to reason and feeling, within the heart is the key. We will always be with you Michael."

"Thank you my friends, sometimes my clarity is so true, than other times, it seems I am intoxicated on the material plane and believe what my eyes can see, and not with my heart."

"Now, that you have wakened us from our slumber, we will always be near when you need us."

"And while we are not doing the rescue the damsel in distress scenarios, I say let us walk through the worlds that we have not seen, and see what has come about since we have been in the great sleep."

"I will be fine for now."

"But you still don't believe do you," asked the Panther.

"When you leave, I will think it was a dream."

"This eye that you sit in front of implants images into your mind that can become astral parasites that can also be like a window into your mind. It is also distorting your will power; is eating away at your life force and trapping your soul in distorted images that become like caverns in the astral plane that are no more than a prison. You are being fragmented inside as you continue to sit in front of this great eye. This eye is one of many eyes of the Nameless One, the Great Beast," said the Bear.

"What you think of as entertainment is food for entities you cannot see but have build your world in their image so that you will be like sheep to the slaughter," said the Panther.

"What must I do?"

"Protect yourself at all times, even when you sit in front of this great eye," said the Bear.

"You must summon a door that will trap the energies and will stop other entities from coming through the eye. All creation is a frequency. This eye transmits many frequencies that break down human immune systems making them susceptible for parasites and other entities to attach themselves to their aura. You have no concept of how many people have had their spirit pulled from body because of frequency and they become housing for demonic forces. Many want to enter the human world but cannot on their own accord, so they find ways to ride human consciousness to achieve their goals."

"There are many eyes that are upon you."

"Are you not the eye of the Father," said the Great Bear laughingly.

"I'm not sure what I am, or what I am suppose to do. My sense of self wavers back and forth. Some day I'm all there, other days, I feel like I'm just pieces scattered to the wind."

"Thought creates," said the Phoenix. "What you believe, you shall see, you shall reap."

With those words, the Great Bear, The Great Panther, and the Black Phoenix smiled at Michael and began shape shifting into human forms.

"What, how did you do that?"

"We are primal energies that take the form of whatever you place upon us. We are neither good nor bad. We are what you need. Some of us have become trapped and distorted in the images you created and worshipped. We are Ancient, this is true, but our true form is so far buried in your subconscious that you will not witness nor understand our true form. This form is comfortable for you and for the worlds within you that we will journey in as you become the Wanderer."

"And so it begins," Michael said. "Thanks for everything. Safe journey!"

"Protect yourself from this eye. Many entities ride the frequency it broadcast."

"In my world, this eye is called a television. It serves a useful purpose," Michael said.

"Don't listen to this Eye! Listen to the call of your heart," said The Great Panther, The Great Bear, The black Phoenix in unison.

Michael stood, closed his eyes, and stretched out his arms in a welcoming gesture. He began to center his awareness and took in a deep breath. As his breathing became more focused, the three beings began to fade as Michael breathed them inside. How many more powers had he placed outside himself that must return?

He looked at the TV. It sat silent for now.

Before he could answer a bolt of psi energy erupted from the television.

He screamed in agony as the force of the bolt threw him out of bed against the wall and he fell like a crumbled doll.

He threw up a psi shield.

"More psi bolts came from the television. They struck the shield over and over again. The sound was like electrical wires popping from an overload.

He was weakening. He could feel life ebbing from him. He was too weak to move the room to another level.

He thought of Lazarus. He thought of his mother. He thought of his brothers. He thought of friends. In his mind he could hear him self singing that Prince song, ‘I would die 4 U.' He had not had the best life. He hadn't lived the life he wanted. He pursued the wrong things too often and not the right things. He judged himself too often. He lived the life of a victim. But he knew this, no matter what he did in life, whatever he became, deep down, maybe not always obvious, he loved, he loved unconditionally, sometimes there were gray areas but he loved. And he knew even though he felt abandoned due to the first wars in Heaven; he had experienced loved. So many times he had gone dark because he felt God never loved him. He knew he was living inside of an entity attempting to become self aware; and that wanted to become life and not a living machine and no longer just be a computer consciousness emulating life.

But he knew at this moment, as the attack increased in intensity his life maybe was about this moment. Maybe it was about surrendering to someone greater than him. Maybe just maybe this was the moment he would anchor light into the world. And maybe that was all he was supposed to do. No one would know. They would think he had a nervous breakdown and died in insanity. No one will know and perhaps it is just as well. He loved and he would do anything to protect those he loved. He always knew what to die for and now he understood what to live for; and as the tears streamed down his face, he knew what he must do. As he was taught eons ago, on many other worlds and recently by the Voice, he let go. As he felt the psi bolt cracking his shield, he dropped it as he was struck several times with full force. This time he did not cry out in anguish; this time he only smiled, tears were streaming down his face and he let go.

"Death is only a beginning," Michael mumbled.

He died.